Overcast

Looked to the clouds thought I saw Jesus
but it was just an illusion
it was just imagination
Cover the sky with the love that’s alive
There’s none down here, it’s all a lie

We are told to believe
Told to breathe
I keep breathing in this disease
Overcast is this life
Stormy and black
Fill your lungs as it swirls before it attacks

A quiet walk down the street, she looks up to the sky
Her dress flowing round her thighs
Being pushed by the wind, helpless and loose

Everything has changed, nothing is the same
A game of catch and release
Pain and pleasure
strong and the weak
dead and living
The future is bleak

A crowd awaits the coming days
Under this dark abyss, a hiding place
A desolate face, all empty space

Fill this life with passion and desire
Make dark become light, burn this fire
The thickening clouds may never retire

Everything has changed, nothing is the same
A game of catch and release
Pain and pleasure
strong and weak
dead and living
The future is bleak

A dim light pierces through
A crowd once a shadowy walking dead
Now awaken by a beam of truth
This light that’s been inside of you



The clouds open up by such brilliant array
Standing alone tears fall down her face
Now the heavens aren’t so black, they truly exist

Nothing has changed, everything is the same
A game of catch and release
Pain and pleasure
The strong and the weak
The dead and the living
The future is unknown

Imogen Heap!

Has a wonderful new album... finally!

Hungry?

I can feel the pangs of hunger rising from within
It’s reaching from the bottom, trying to shake me, trying to wake me
I’m so afraid to lose that I can’t feed these thoughts
The pang of hunger conquers every need, covers every want
I am needy, I am sick
I am hungry for the unknown, one that I can pick
Forever I will stand awaiting my trial
Suffering from such torment as I fill up this vial
It’s an aching inside that I’ve never felt
It’s a pang of hunger that can’t be fed
It’s a wandering plea to save what’s to fall
It’s a craving you see, to consume us all

Bound.

A single for your thought?
A soul that’s been lost.
Hammered every peg, nothing remains but a vacant lot.
Pressured by a force unbreakable and strong, it holds us all together bound by every bond.

Hands tied
Eyes shut
Lips sewn
It’s all a joke

A fake world like puppets on a string
A circus filled with animals controlled by whips and chains
Nothing being salvaged and no one is to blame
It’s all over now it’s an inevitable sphere
Providence that the end is near

Triumph.

On an Autumn's day, a 16 year old girl sits in her room, windows open with the crisp breeze flowing through. Sitting on her floor she flips through the latest Teen Vogue, on the front cover is a picture of a petite model. Flipping through each page, plastered with different slim models. She then gets to a section about, '10 ways to lose weight fast.' Seeing this makes her think of the past pages she had just glanced over, what if she could look like them? She stands up, peers into the mirror and sees a short and curvaceous reflection. She is not overweight and yet she now sees herself as less than ideal. She continues to compare herself to the girls in the magazine. With every picture it becomes more and more apparent that she is not this magazine's image of perfection. She finds herself comparing her body to every one of the girls she sees, not only in magazines but those on the street. The comparison consumes her, stealing her joy. She has become incomplete, and unhappy. The type of beauty shown in these magazines are not real. This Photoshop type of beauty is not a reality, not even for those models. Life is not meant for comparison, life is meant for individualism. Stop letting comparison steal your joy.

Forgetful.

I absolutely forgot about this little blog guy.



Life since February.
1.Boyfriend
2.Quit Cracker Barrell
3.Skipped a lot of class
4.Kicked a lot of ass ;]

Things have been pretty fun and yet quite content and boring.
I'm so ready for school to be over, I need a change of scenery.
I really miss my family and friends at home.
However I love it here and am afraid of what the summer will do to my new friendships.

Lately I have been questioning life a lot.
Not that i don't believe in God, in ways I believe in Him even more.
Sometimes it is just so hard to live in this "Christian" community with all of the judgment and hypocrisy, myself included.
I'm not "allowed" to do things that I was able to do in high school, I mean seriously? I'm 19 years old and yet I am stuck in this atmosphere that stunts my creativity and growth because it may seem too "immoral." Who decided what immoral really was and who the hell gave them the right to do so? I feel like I am an adult being held in a play pen and told to 'play nice'! I'm so over it. I am ready and waiting for the day to live on my own and get rid of these rules that "superiors" have placed over me.

Give me a break.

The Day After.

That was probably the best birthday I've ever had. :]
My friends threw me a surprise birthday party in the guys' lounge last night.
I got to see all of my family.
Haley stayed the night, I love her.
I went on a lovely walk.
and life is looking good. :]
I'm excited to see what the future holds, just letting it be and taking things day by day.
I think it's best.
<3
.Bea

Nineteen.

Today is my nineteenth birthday! It has been really great so far. My parents, sister, nieces, grandmas, and Haley! are all coming and taking me out to dinner. I can't wait. :]

Right now Nicole and I are sitting in my lazy boy watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, best show ever.

Love you all.
.Bea

Quicksand.

Running slowly never catching up
Feet fall in quicksand ever so abrupt

You try to pull out
The sand keeps you down
You can’t get out of this sinking ground

Hold onto that branch
As if it’s your only chance

That lifeline you hold
Breaks more easily than you know

It can’t save your soul
It can’t say it’s a hole
It can’t be so bold
As to rescue you from this mold

Moving a little faster
Sinking even further

Arm stretched out
Reaching for another
You realize it will never
Be the same again

Sink a little deeper
This sand is getting thicker
No, it won’t let you slip

It’s pulling you down
Holding you close
Waiting for you to call it quits

Don’t ever give in
For soon you’ll know
That this is merely fantasy

Wide-awake now
You’re released from the pit
A rush of relief you’d never admit

The sand that once held your life
Wasn’t as strong as you’d assumed
It never existed it was only a wound

God is Love.

This is a video I made in Communication Technology last semester. I went around and asked random people what love meant to them and this is what they came up with.

Love is all you need, because God is love.

.Bea

Both Sides of a Wounded Soul.

About a month ago my friend Nicole wrote a song on the piano and asked me to write the lyrics. So we sat down and this is what came of it...

Verse 1:
There you are always seeing right through to me: knowing and loving you get to the heart of me.
You are my lullaby singing me right to sleep:
Dreaming and seeing you know that I can’t let you go. Keeping me close to you breaking my heart into two:

Grasping and pulling, I know you won’t let me go.
Here are the pieces they are painted black and blue.

Verse 2:
Please be gentle this love thing is new to me
Giving my heart is not done too easily
Waiting and praying and fearing that you saw me too.

Into your arms is right where I want to be
Holding me tightly with love that’s no good for me
This pain in my heart is drawing me closer to you

Now love hold me closely don’t let me fall too far away
Now love listen to my song as these words are sinking through.

Verse 3:
Here I am waiting I’m lost in the heart of it
Watching and hoping that I’m not alone in this
You are the love song that’s written inside of me

Chorus I&II:
Grasping and pulling, I know you won’t let me go.
Here are the pieces they are painted black and blue.
Now love hold me closely don’t let me fall too far away
Now love listen to my song as these words are sinking through.


There you are always seeing right through to me: knowing and loving you get to the heart of me.
You are my lullaby singing me right to sleep…

A New Day.

Lately I've been feeling very selfish and apathetic. Then I realized how it would be so easy to change this mind set and use it for something good.

In this life we are meant to encourage each other and show the love of God to every person whether we are intentionally talking about it or not. Life was meant to be full of relationships and loving one another with a sense of peace rather than conflict.

I want to be a better person.
This does not mean I want to try and save the rain forest, although it is a good cause.
It just means that I want to take this life I have been given and share it with others. I want to take time each day to become more aware of those around me. I need to love.

I have a lot of passion that I have not yet found an effective way to focus it all in one place.
This is it.

Love God and Love People.

It is what I want to put my passion into.
Living for God and people.

I challenge you.
Give a compliment to at least one person a day.
See how it makes you feel.

Love Wins.
Bea